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Pregnant People Parading

Posted by Juno on July 07, 2011

 

Why God, why is it that whenever you’re at your lowest low, you come face to face with yet another gleeful pregnant woman? 
It never fails.  At the depth of your despair, your sister, best friend, (fill in the blank) calls you to share her ecstatic news:  she’s pregnant!  And it’s so funny because they weren’t even trying!  Yeah, hilarious.

I remember one day, after all the trying, all the hoping, all the praying, I was in the midst of what would be my last IVF, what I thought would be my last shot at a child, sitting despondently at an outdoor sandwich shop trying to choke down lunch.  That’s when every pregnant woman in the state, I believe, started walking by my table.   Not, one, not two, there must have been forty of ‘em that strolled by that sunny day.  I half expected a pregnant man to lumber past.  And no, I wasn’t imagining things. 

Then, to top it off, I see Julie, the very woman whom I’d bonded with months ago in my infertility support group.  We’d commiserated over our shared diagnosis:  we didn’t ovulate and without an egg to fertilize, we couldn’t get pregnant no matter how hard we tried without medical intervention.  But lo and behold, here she comes waddling down the street round-bellied in a maternity top!  I froze.  And then I hid.  And then I cried. 

Why was God making me see all this?  I refused to believe that God is cruel or has a sick sense of humor.  I had to use cognitive restructuring and change my point of view.  Maybe this wasn’t pregnancy mocking me, maybe this was pregnant energy coming to find me.  I decided to see it as an omen of things to come for me.   

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