My Story

IVF #3

Posted by Juno on June 01, 2011

 

Now that I knew about my MTHFR and it’s link to miscarriage, and now that I was treating it with mega-doses of Folic Acid, I felt I should give IVF another try.  So, two months after the second chemical pregnancy, we decided to jump back on the horse.  Naturally, I worried time was fleeting.  My RE switched my protocol from Cetrotide to Lupron micro-flare (1 unit per day starting on day 2 of my period).  He again began the process with a two-week Pill primer, which I hated and always felt was wrong-headed.  Get pregnant by preventing pregnancy?  Huh??

Whereas, with the other protocol, the doctors doing pre-retrieval ultrasounds said they could see as many as 12 eggs (though at retrieval they only got 7 at most), this time doctors said they could only see 3.  That was an emotional setback.  I was always classified as a “poor responder” but this time my ovaries seemed particularly reluctant.

Retrival -- On 4/25 they were able to scrounge up 5 eggs.  But on 4/26, only two had fertilized.  When I went in for the Day 3 transfer, the RE (not my primary one) told me they were both of such poor quality that it probably wasn’t worth transferring them.  I was despondent.  We decided to transfer the embryos  anyway, just in case.  I was spent.  I didn’t know whether to hold out any hope of a miracle that these two feeble fractured-cell embryos could produce a baby. 

My diary entry read:

“I know I’m supposed to be radiating positive energy but I find that challenging in the face of few external cues.  It’s easy to be positive when you’re getting great feedback.  I know my challenge is to be hopeful and have faith even without evidence.”

Two weeks later, I got a negative beta. It seemed clear to me that my body, already a reluctant participant in the IVF process, desperately wanted a break.  And my bloodwork revealed as much:  somehow in the course of fertility treatments, I’d become Hyperthyroid.  I went to see a team of endocrinologists who confirmed that the HCG shot can bring on hyperthyroidism.  I also learned a high rate of recurrent miscarriages has been demonstrated among women with thyroid imbalances.  This was all I needed.  Why did it feel as though I was getting further and further from fertility?

I decided I would not do another cycle until I could get my thyroid and ovaries functioning properly again (which I knew from experience would take months).  I sensed I only had the energy for, at most, one more cycle.  And in the meantime, I decided to work on my deepening depression and sadness.

I redoubled my efforts to work on the Mind/Body connection to fertility and spent the next three months eating right, doing acupuncture, and using creative visualizations to try to bring baby energy closer.It was a very painful time.